remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
