He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
