sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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