I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
