Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
