I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
