She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
