So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
