if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
