that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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