you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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