I'm eating all of the evidence.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
