yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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