I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
