just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
