I wanna passion pit in your ass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
