You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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