I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
