opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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