his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
