I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
