I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
North Korea, Best Korea!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think your dad took our porno
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
