I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
