my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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