At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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