So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
