I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
