Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ok first of all what the fuck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
