While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My ass is underappreciated
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
