first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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