____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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