I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
