and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
