Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
