I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
