I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
