I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
