She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
two words...techno handjob
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize