just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
