i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
