why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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