Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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