Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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