why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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