You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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