i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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