Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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