I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
