Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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