awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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