oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
