Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize