I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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