Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
