I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
