Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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