Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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