Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
