You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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