And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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