Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
