her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
