Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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