At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
