I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize