I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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