She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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