I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
