I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize