I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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